A Week in to the Last Five Years of My Life (as a Sponge)

This first week of being 35 has been a lot like any other week, quite frankly. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. As I approached 30 (looking at you, birthday girl), I was freaking out about all the things I was supposed to have done and hadn’t done. And the closer I got, the more I realized, “This is my life.” And so it’s been for five years now. I hope to change that, as evidenced by my first-ever “public” post on Vox.

I’m not too frightened of the near future, despite someone close to me seemingly going through a midlife crisis of sorts (and who has recently commented that his body started falling apart when he hit 35).

Mia’s keeping me young, though. Which seems strange to say (er, write). Every morning during breakfast and every evening after I finish watching the news and/or she has her bath, I ask her, “What do you want to watch?” Her answer, for the past month and a half, has invariably been “SPONGEBOB!” She has the three-disc first-season box set, which includes hours and hours of episodes. And now I can use some anecdote from Mr. Squarepants’ “life” to relate to my own. For example, Michelle and I relate pretty well to Mia’s favorite character, Plankton. There’s this great episode in which Spongebob plans to make Plankton less bitter/evil by being his friend and taking him to play at Jellyfish Fields. He starts trying to engage Plankton in a sing-a-long (“F is for friends who do things together / U is for you and me / N is for anytime and anywhere at all / Down in the deep blue sea”), and Plankton busts out his own version (“F is for fire to burn down the whole town / U is for uranium . . . bombs / N is for no surviiiiivors / . . .”). When I sing the “friendship” song from the episode for Mia, you can rest assured that it’s Plankton’s version.

Misanthropy: The gift that never stops giving.

Posted by Scott-san on 10/04 at 02:57 PM
 
  1. You’re so awesome. I’m 31 this year. But only to close friends and family. To everyone else, I was stolen by gypsies at an indeterminate age. And they lost all my paperwork.

    Maybe you could loan me Miss Mia for a while? When I start feeling creaky?

    Posted by Erin  on  10/04  at  04:58 PM
  2. misanthropy rules, dude. and from a guy who hasn’t seen 35 in five years, 11 months, and 12 days (not that i’m counting), rest assured: it’s all downhill from here.

    just kidding.

    not.

    Posted by bob  on  10/09  at  08:14 PM
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