“You Can Blow Me.”

Hey, The Internets! You play poker a lot, right? Then surely you’ve had one of those hands . . . the magical, I’ve-waited-all-my-life-for-you hands? Like you’re holding a pair of, say, eights and the other two eights come up in the flop? How are you gonna keep from bursting and still get the other fools to give you all their money?

Well, first wait for them to come to you. Bingo! The first guy to act throws in five bucks, and the other guy still holding cards goes all-in. It’s not a giveaway to call the all-in, as it doesn’t add up to a huge bet. The first guy calls, too. Fucking AWESOME! Okay, the Turn card is something that doesn’t matter, but you wince in a very non-poker-face way, sending out a “tell.” The first guy moves all-in to push you off the hand. You say, “I call” and drop the quad eights on him. End scene.

Yeah, this happened. And it was fucking awesome. But I wasn’t the guy with the quad eights.** No, I was the “first guy” with pocket fours (so, two pair . . . ouch). Anyway, not an awful day of poker tournament action; I did score a $5 bounty for eliminating one player. I finished tied for fourth out of 12. One (and a half) players from getting my money back. In retrospect, I did okay, but I should’ve known that guy’s “tell” was fake. (It was pretty obvious . . . likely why I noticed it to begin with.) Still, I dream about doing that to other people. Except my quads beat a full house . . . or something better than two pair, anyway.

I’ll have to tweak my strategy a little, I think. It kept me from chasing bad cards, yes, but I didn’t follow up with effective betting. I won less than a quarter of the hands where I paid to see a flop. And one of THOSE was an instance of everyone folding to a big bet after the flop. (I guess a pot bought is not a pot lost.)

* An actual son-to-father quote during the game. The son was knocked out (of the game . . . by his father) two minutes later.

** For the record, there were THREE four-of-a-kind hands in a two-hour span. Seriously. This wasn’t draw poker with wild “twos, fours, and one-eyed whores,” either.

Posted by Scott-san on 01/23 at 04:56 PM
  1. I don’t know if I’ve seen three four-of-a-kinds in five years of casual play.  That’s insane.

    Posted by cw  on  01/23  at  09:14 PM
  2. Yeah, the first time was the second hand of the game (four KINGS).  I’ve seen four aces before, too.  That’s why games with this particular group are so excruciating: If it’s not the level of play that kills me, it’s the Outer Limits probability of the hands.

    Posted by Scott-san  on  01/24  at  04:30 PM
  3. I once had four aces show up in a hand of slot poker in Vegas, so I held them (obviously)... then a fifth ace came up. And the win was nullified because the machine had malfunctioned. So remember: If you ever draw four of a kind on video poker, HOLD ALL FIVE CARDS.

    Posted by Erin  on  01/24  at  07:49 PM
  4. You should’ve won SOMETHING.  Like a fistful of quarters, or a backrub, or a 32-ounce Mai Tai.

    Posted by Scott-san  on  01/25  at  08:38 AM
  5. When you play with 13 players, it’s a lot more likely to see better hands than with six or eight people at a table.

    Posted by  on  01/25  at  11:14 AM
  6. I’m not sure I fully get the logic there, BUT there were only FIVE of us left when I got the quad eights dropped on me.

    Posted by Scott-san  on  01/25  at  03:23 PM
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