Because I’m Not Successfully Copycatting Unless I Post a Picture

I remember way-back-when and I used to write posts in the style of some other blogger (but, honestly, it was mostly just Estella-turned-Erin). Like I only had one thing that seemed like “mine,” and even THAT was ripped off. The last time I did the imitation/flattery thing, Styro commented that my Dooce-aping wasn’t funny. So, I guess we’ll go with the anti-Dooce . . . SJ at I, Asshole. (I’m like a dog with a bone on the fucking blog-whoring, right?)

Scene One: Guess Who You WON’T be Seeing at the Women’s World Cup in 2023
Despite my enthusiasm about soccer, our daughter was not named after Mia Hamm. Michelle was genuinely trying to pick a name that had no connection to anyone in either of our families. Which I think was an all-round great idea. Still, I’d like to see Mia grow up to be a soccer player.

But that will never happen.

She’s been on the princess/ballerina kick for a while and, after watching some soccer with me on T.V., said that she didn’t want to play soccer because she didn’t like getting knocked down. Which is understandable. But her preschool has started doing some semi-organized soccer training in the afternoons, and they had a “game” last Friday.

The “field” was set up on a hill. There were supposed to be two teams of seven, but it turned out to be four on four. Mia was great with the running around after the ball, but I think she only TOUCHED the ball one time . . . and that was because someone kicked the ball at her.

Time to start researching those ballet lessons.

Part Two: Gwen Step-on-Me, Indeed (Alternately, Summer Turds in the Cell-Whore, and How Not to be a Total Motherfucking Douchebag Asshole)
Out in the fringes of the Indie-Rock Galaxy, our band exists as a very small planet orbiting an unimpressive, dim sun. This is the Tallahassee music scene. When you play a “locals only” show with other bands with no “following,” it can be a soul-crushing experience. But when out-of-town / touring bands come through, and you get put on the bill, it can be somewhat more exciting.

A week ago, we were lucky enough to land on a bill with three out-of-town bands and another local. Not huge names, but interesting and compatible. The headliners were from Athens, Georgia. Our band was slotted to play second to last. Cool, right? Fourth of five bands (the fifth band was another local).

The first band (The Winter Sounds . . . also from Athens) were fuckin’ great (and very nice). I bought their CD and chatted them up a little. The other local band was next, and here’s where the problem starts: Two guys plus shitpiles of equipment. It took them quite a while to set up and break down. I didn’t give it a lot of thought until much later. During Dear and Glorious Physician, I was beckoned outside for an impromptu band meeting. It seems that the headliners wanted to switch slots with us. Not an unusual request at a “locals only” show, but kind-of weird for a touring band. We cave a lot in these situations, but I knew our drummer (Mr. ADD) wasn’t gonna go for it, anyway; plus, there seemed to be a strong “no” consensus. So, that’s that, right?

Wrong. Our band diplomat passed along the news. The negotiator for the headlining band says something along the lines of, “Well, we’re the headliners, so we’ll talk to the manager and have you guys thrown off the bill.” LUCKILY, this detail wasn’t reported to the rest of us until days later. As it was, Mr. ADD called them cocks under his breath as he stormed out of the club with his drums and we were talking to the club manager. I guess our Power Play trumped theirs, because we ended up playing next anyway.

Look, don’t be that band. If you’re (still) a relatively unknown touring band and you’re billed as the headliner, don’t cause a scene when you have to play after 11 . . . even if you want to go to an after-party with the other touring bands. Because, even though you were a tool, the band you attempted to dick over stayed to see your set and liked you enough to buy your CD (anyway).

Douchebag.

Part the Third: Distraction Over
Every time we sit down to watch an episode or four of “24” in one sitting, I comment how happy this must make our cats. Well, sorry, kitties. Because even though we’ve started watching the recently purchased Season 3 (and didn’t even wait until it arrived; we rented the first two discs because “24” is to us as heroin was to Jack Bauer back in Season 3), it’s time for “Heroes,” again. After several weeks of being without it, I can finally live again. Unlike Isaac, apparently.

(p.s. – Does anyone watch “Drive?” Doesn’t the setup of the show, the FEEL of the show, seem to be very “Heroes”-esque? I’m betting that’s why the show is scheduled [on another Network, mind you] to run before “Heroes.” It’s cooperative programming. Smooth one, Mr. Murdoch.)

Posted by Scott-san on 04/25 at 07:42 AM
 
  1. I’m conflicted about forcing kids into organized activities. It seems a bit cruel but at the same, had we not forced Leslie into playing soccer for the first two years, she wouldn’t have stuck with it long enough to really know if she liked it or had any ability. Turns out, in her case, both came to be true. She went on to play until her senior year of high school and she is still in love with the game. Had we listened to her whining and complaining in first/second grade, she would have missed out on a lot.

    Not to say you guys should force Mia. Like I said, I’m conflicted.

    Posted by patricia  on  04/25  at  11:02 AM
  2. Check out the junior soccer team - They’re wearing “Kamikaze Green”!!  Coincidence?  You decide.

    Glad you stood up to the Headwhiners.  You should have done their covers.  Bastards.

    Posted by Melman  on  04/25  at  10:48 PM
  3. Hey, you never know about the sports thing..she’ll probably grow into it.

    And those kids are so cute, lined up like that.  It’s amazing how one day they’re babies, and the next day they’re like full little people.

    Posted by teahouseblossom  on  04/26  at  05:53 AM
  4. LT used to cry every time her father took her to hockey. She ended up with a scholarship to a D1 college.
    So don’t give up so soon, Dad!

    Maybe if she only touched the ball when someone kicked it at her maybe she’s cut out to be a goalie?

    Posted by  on  04/26  at  12:35 PM
  5. Drive just got canceled, so I guess we’ll never see which 70’s icon was the evil mastermind, or which Star Trek character was someone’s dad.

    Too bad for Isaac.  I guess he had served his purpose.

    Posted by rob  on  04/30  at  09:24 AM
  6. HOLY SHIT when did you let Mia get so big???

    Anti-Dooce, FNIF.

    Posted by SJ  on  05/01  at  11:17 AM
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