I’m on a Mission. And I Can’t Tell You About it.

I’m a firm believer in eating a good breakfast. Or just a breakfast. Whatever. Apparently, this doesn’t include the SlimFast “shakes” I’ve been chilling in my fridge because, invariably, the morning I tell myself, Y’know, self, you’ve been eating like shit the past couple days and probably will again today, and take plan to have a “shake” for breakfast instead (to replace the already-modest breakfast I usually have, taking it to work with me to more adequately bridge the gap between waking up and inhaling whatever prepackaged, frozen dinner I happened to bring to work with me) . . . that’s the morning I leave the “shake” in the fridge. At home.* And have no backup breakfast. So I can either starve myself until lunch (not usually an option), swing by Starbucks and pick up my customary 10,000-calorie venti mocha, or make arrangements to stockpile backup breakfasts at work (instead of eating a packet of oatmeal scavenged from the office kitchenette, which was best-by dated sometime in 2004). So, worry not, The Internet. Because, now, to go along with the 17 packets of Taco Bell mild sauce, bag of spearmint Starlight mints, and wintergreen Altoids in my desk drawer, I have a couple packets of oatmeal manufactured after we made Mia, an “oatmeal-to-go” bar, and a SlimFast breakfast bar.

I’m ready to go, World. Er, The Internet.

* Don’t say it. Or type it. You can’t stockpile JACK in the office fridge. We’re not a sharing bunch. That, and/or the fact that when I finally remembered that they were there, I’d be a fucking LIFER drinking Optima-infused low-fat milk from 14 years earlier.

Posted by Scott-san on 06/05 at 12:02 PM
 
  1. After reading these last two posts, we’ve concluded that it’s only a matter of time before we find The Divebomber wandering around his neighborhood in his bathrobe and slippers.

    Posted by  on  06/05  at  02:05 PM
  2. The title confuses and angers me.  I do not approve of secret missions.

    Posted by cw  on  06/05  at  06:22 PM
  3. G-Hole: Good thing you don’t live in our neighborhood. Good thing for US.

    C-dub: It’s not so much a mission than a directive from The Most Holy.

    Posted by Scott-san  on  06/05  at  07:16 PM
  4. 1. You are weird.

    2. Lately I have been doing the exact same thing. Except, instead of oatmeal, it’s Sugarfree Red Bull. I haven’t slept in three days and I just hit on myself an hour ago. I FEEL GRRREAT!

    Posted by SJ  on  06/06  at  12:50 AM
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    Posted by Troykdn  on  06/09  at  07:44 AM
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